


What Happened When Blaine Came Clean About the Showcase

by haleygirl



Series: What Happened When... [18]
Category: Glee
Genre: Spanking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-03-01 05:39:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haleygirl/pseuds/haleygirl
Summary: Blaine had been hoping June would come around about letting Kurt perform in the showcase. But it's not looking good now. How will Kurt react when he finds out?





	1. Chapter 1

“June doesn’t want you in the show. And she never did.”  
The silence after Blaine spoke was seconds long, but it felt much longer. Blaine had been eating himself up inside for days, freaking out that he was going to have to come clean on this with Kurt soon and then turning again and again to the hope that he’d somehow convince June to change her mind so he wouldn’t have to. WHY did I have to make all this up? There was no good reason to lie. It was just sort of awkward that June had taken a shine to him, and only him, when it had been Kurt who had been so excited about performing for June Dolloway in the first place. Blaine hadn’t even heard of her a month ago. Except for the West Side Story auditions in high school, Blaine hadn’t ever really felt like he was in competition with Kurt, and he felt caught between enjoying the attention and feeling guilty that none of it was going to his fiancé.  
As expected, Kurt was furious. He had taken an early shift at the diner with the understanding that they would start rehearsing together today. They had had multiple conversations in which Kurt had pressed for details and Blaine had been cagey, trying to imply that various decisions about song selection hadn’t been made yet but many possibilities were on the table. Kurt had grown excited, that maybe June was coming around to liking him, or saw something in him after all, and that an event like this would be a tremendous networking opportunity. And of course, even if all of that hadn’t been a factor, Kurt and Blaine had had many conversations about the value Kurt placed on honesty.  
Blaine had been punished for being dishonest before, more than once. Even in high school Kurt had made a point that he’d rather hear disappointing news directly than find out later that Blaine had lied to him about something. There had been an argument the summer after graduation in which Kurt had felt the need to impress upon Blaine that he didn’t make distinctions between “lies,” “white lies,” and “fibs” as it seemed he did at times. At the time Kurt thought that would be the last of that conversation but it turned out to be a recurring theme. He had only a vague recollection of the impetus of that discussion, but thought about it ruefully a few months later when he was in New York and discovered that Blaine had cheated on him. He wondered how Blaine could possibly think that was okay, as though he would just learn of it and look the other way. It had been a shock for a lot of reasons, but fundamentally he’d explained to Blaine that he didn’t think he could be in a relationship with someone he didn’t trust.  
When they got back together many months later, Blaine asked Kurt to be strict with him about matters of integrity. He felt that having someone keep him accountable would help make sure he didn’t screw up that greatly again. It was too easy to tell a white lie here and there and he was terrified that anything like that, left unaddressed, would become a habit that would threaten his relationship as well as his other goals. And so if Blaine accidentally left his theatre history homework on the 6 train or forgot to wash the breakfast dishes when it was his turn, he made a point of immediately admitting it to Kurt rather than hoping it would go unnoticed. A couple months into living together at the loft, Kurt told Blaine he thought he was being a good role model for Rachel in this area, as she was particularly inclined to lies of omission. Hearing that gave Blaine a lot of pride, as he took it as evidence that Kurt found him to be trustworthy, a badge of honor he’d worked hard to earn again. And not that they had decided only to live together on the weekends, Blaine was glad to have that reassurance that he didn’t need to worry about Kurt trusting him in his new place.  
Still, there were definitely times Blaine slipped up in truth telling and, as agreed, Kurt did his part to make sure that Blaine received a stern reminder of his obligations when that happened. Usually that meant a good old-fashioned spanking, sometimes with a wooden spoon, which Blaine found particularly detestable. Either way, Kurt made sure that anytime Blaine was punished for dishonesty he left him chastised and sore enough to want to avoid such having to do such penance again anytime soon.  
Yet somehow here they were again. Blaine tried to explain that he’d only lied because he loved Kurt and didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but Kurt wasn’t hearing it. Blaine wished he could say something that would make Kurt understand and forgive him.  
“I am so, so sorry,” Blaine said, emotional.  
Kurt shook his head. “Yeah, I bet you are,” he spat, turning to walk away. “Too bad I can’t believe anything else you say.”  
Blaine’s stomach sank as he watched Kurt storm out. He’d fucked up before, but this was pretty big. He wasn’t sure he’d seen Kurt that mad in a long, long time. He knew Kurt would need to calm down, and then the probably later tonight at the loft they would talk. Kurt would come around eventually, he told himself. He’d forgiven him for cheating even-- they’d been through worse. But he swallowed, expecting that even if Kurt forgave him there was likely no escaping the discipline he’d say was warranted here. He grimaced, thinking of it. Normally on a weekend he looked forward to an evening with Kurt—seeing a show together, cooking together, and usually sex was on the to do list. Blaine sighed. He was pretty sure that on this particular Saturday, the main event of the evening was going to be getting the spanking of his life, and it was all his fault.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt wasn’t in the mood to listen to excuses and apologies. The whole situation was just so outrageous. He had re-arranged his whole schedule today for nothing. And June Dolloway still thinks I have no talent. Awesome. It had been such an ego trip to be chosen to perform for her in the first place and then it had blown up in his face. Sure, he was happy for Blaine—obviously he knew he was talented. But the whole thing just brought up old wounds and fears of being left out in the cold while everyone he cared about got the careers they’d dreamed of. Come on, Hummel, you can’t let one woman’s opinion dictate how you feel about yourself. You’re in the most prestigious musical theatre program in the country for a reason. Prove her wrong.   
Kurt had had his ups and downs this semester. One Three Hill was a fun outlet, but the gigs were few and far between so far and it was proving hard to even get Elliot and Dani to agree to a consistent rehearsal schedule. His grades were fine but nothing spectacular, and a lot of the NYADA experience was constant reminders that there were plenty of other people out there with your same dreams and just as much if not more talent. While Peter Pan had been an amateur production, it’d been well-received and personally satisfying. He had been high on happiness for days after that. He realized now that he had been pinning his hopes on that showcase being a boon to keep that positivity flowing. He knew it was Blaine’s thing, but being a part of it would have made it a little bit of his thing too, right? Ugh.  
No longer obligated to rehearse anything, Kurt walked the city for a bit, cooling off. He saw a marquee for a movie Blaine had been talking about going to see. He stared at it for a moment, and then got in line to get a ticket. I can’t even trust him to be honest with me? Pretty sure that means I’m under no obligation to do everything with him. He wants to see it, he can see it on his own time too. He can take June if he wants for all I care. It was childish, he knew, but buying the ticket was sating.   
It turned out to be a decent flick, although Kurt was distracted through parts of it. It was the weekend and he knew it was unavoidable Blaine would be home later. Knowing Blaine he might go for what Kurt would find dramatic and text him asking if he was still welcome tonight at the loft. Which of course’ll put me in a place where I look like the horrible one if I say no.  
He expected Blaine would be contrite and apologetic and they would have to talk, and he just dreaded dealing with that at the moment. He knew the routine when they had a fight like this. Blaine would get flowers or something, try to make a gesture of apology. They would argue a bit more, and maybe Blaine would cry and he’d feel like he had to say it was okay because it made him feel like a jerk if he made his fiancé cry. I have no reason to feel sorry for him. Then he’d shift into a different mode and say that he understood he was upset, that they’d get through this but that there would have to be consequences. Blaine would crumple more at that and he’d steel himself to his puppy dog eyes, scolding him and laying out the penalty. Blaine would be submissive and regretful and Kurt would play the role of firm but fair disciplinarian. Heh, well right now fair would probably be the least of my priorities. He could admit that a part of him would probably like to wallop Blaine’s backside, and to a deep maroon shade too, chastising him good. Not so much to teach or correct or restore, but to punish. While sometimes he achieved impassive, there were certainly times in the past when Kurt had been legitimately angry when he it came time to punish Blaine. The time Blaine had been sneaking around online when he had been expected to be studying came to mind. Or those times he’d been in contact with Sebastian. He was never going to be a wholly neutral party to Blaine’s “misbehavior.” And in a similar way there was honestly never going to be a time when Kurt was going to turn down the opportunity to gaze at his fiancé’s naked backside. Blaine had once shared that Tina had had a description of it as “having been baked by some sort of Master Chef” and he had to agree that, while bizarre, he couldn’t argue with her evaluation there. But always in this discipline arrangement, he felt a responsibility to temper those impulses—in extreme cases to stall until he was in a proper frame of mind for discipline, and more often to acknowledge those urges and set them aside to focus on the task at hand in a more measured way. It wasn’t that he felt right now that his rage would really overtake him. He knew himself enough to be confident he’d never go overboard and really hurt Blaine if he had to punish him. But thinking of it now, he just felt sort of… disgusted. He’ll get his bottom spanked good, cry some more, and then it’ll be my turn to be all “Okay, baby, you’re forgiven, don’t do it again.”   
And right now, Kurt just didn’t feel inclined to forgive Blaine. His anger wasn’t so much the issue, he realized, as his hurt. He didn’t think Blaine should feel better anytime soon for making a jerk move that was completely unnecessary and hurtful. He remembered the night Blaine had told him about the showcase, and how excited he’d gotten. They’d ignored half their movie and made out on the couch like they were still back in high school after that. Kurt had gone down on Blaine right there in the living room and they’d giddily had to rush to clean up because Blaine was worried Sam and Mercedes might come home soon. That whole time he’d been lying to my face about this showcase whole thing. God, I’m so fucking angry about this.


	3. Chapter 3

Blaine stewed for a bit at NYADA. He composed and revised several texts to Kurt and then let it go, knowing nothing he was going to say right now was going to help his case. He’s so pissed at me right now probably anything I say will probably make it worse actually. After awhile of going through the motions of reviewing the sheet music changes June had made, he got hungry and decided it was time to go. He locked up the studio and slunked out, feeling sorry for himself. It was ironic, because the showcase was a big deal, and a big deal all about him, and he didn’t feel like he could even enjoy it right now.  
If Blaine had been the center of attention in his Dalton years, his NYADA experience had been quite the opposite. Part of the problem, he only realized now, was he had gone out of his way to take a lot of classes with Kurt, which meant he was with a lot of more experienced sophomores a lot of the time. Kurt had grown to be really respected in the NYADA community and Blaine often felt like that put him in his shadow. A lot of them were approaching the half-way point of their college careers now and he felt like he was just a baby by comparison. He hadn’t realized how much he’d depended on getting positive feedback as a performer all the time until he suddenly wasn’t getting it so much. It wasn’t that people thought he was a bad performer, it’s just that everybody at NYADA was so good that it took a lot more to impress people.   
Getting June’s attention was an unexpected coup that had gone a long way to making him feel better about himself as a performer again. He wasn’t going to be the star in stage combat anytime soon, and he still struggled with dialects and scansion most days, but June FREAKING Dolloway was going out of her way to promote him and share his talents with the world. He walked a little taller ever since this had begun, and just wished he could have talked her into seeing Kurt’s potential like she saw his. Kurt had been so generous in bringing him into that ribbon cutting performance in the first place—he thought they would always share successes somehow. It just sucked that something that could have been a tremendous win was so layered with guilt, and now he’d made a bad situation even worse.   
Kurt’s so mad he probably won’t even come to see me in the showcase now. The idea of his fiancé missing a big night of his like that would have seemed unthinkable weeks ago, but Blaine wouldn’t blame him if he blew it off. I just managed to twist the knife that June Dolloway doesn’t like him. God he must feel awful. If Kurt might not even come, what even would be the point? We should succeed together or not at all. Maybe I should just tell June I can’t do it anymore. Blaine could hardly believe he was considering turning the showcase down. His heart wasn’t in it, and it felt like doing it might be hurtful to Kurt at this point. Even if it would be fun and maybe good for his future career—shouldn’t he do what was right for his relationship? On the other hand, with all the planning and legwork she June had done to put it together, he imagined she’d be really mad to find out he was going to say he wouldn’t do it anymore. She’d see it as a personal rejection. Like “I’m so great I don’t need your money or your friends to promote me.” Ugh. He’d already dealt with her scolding for all the times he’d tried to talk her into bringing Kurt on board, and he imagined backing out at this point would qualify as more than an irritation in her book. Blaine was pretty sure June’s wrath was worse than Kurt’s. He didn’t know what to do.  
As he sauntered up to a food truck outside of NYADA, Blaine’s phone buzzed. He rushed to see if it was Kurt, but it wasn’t. Rachel had group chatted him and Kurt to remind them everyone was coming over early tomorrow to read the script Mary Halloran had made for the pilot. And to ask if Blaine could wash the breakfast dishes since obviously the only time she could get away to have copies made would be right before everyone came over.  
Blaine shook his head. Kurt had a new rule that if Rachel was going to ask to switch chores with Blaine, she had to include him on texts involving such requests because he’d grown tired of her sneaking around about these things. This had been less of an issue for him since he’d moved out and only had responsibilities at the loft on the weekends. But she still often managed to come up with some excuse on the weekends, which he assumed was because she couldn’t get away with that during the week with Kurt.   
Blaine hesitated to respond at first, wondering if he should ask if Kurt was so mad at him he shouldn’t even go to the loft this weekend. But he figured if he brought that up in the text with Rachel, Kurt would say he was trying to garner sympathy from her so she’d team up against him. Blaine sighed. I guess worst case scenario, if he really doesn’t want to deal with me tonight I can just say I’ll sleep on the couch. He also knew Kurt got annoyed with him when he just agreed to take on Rachel’s chores for her, both because he felt she took advantage of him and because in his view it prevented her from learning the responsibility all of her discipline was supposed to be teaching. Not wanting to add to the list of things Kurt could be mad at him about, but also not wanting to make waves with Rachel, he finally texted back saying that he would trade chores and do the breakfast dishes if Rachel would do his vacuuming later.  
He ordered the usual from the food truck and headed towards the subway station. At least reading the pilot with Rachel should be fun, he supposed. It was exciting that a network producer had so much faith in Rachel they’d gotten a writer to write a whole script just for her. He honestly couldn’t wait to see what it was all about. It was nice having something to look forward to, knowing otherwise the weekend was probably going to suck. I just hope he punishes me tonight and gets it over with. Blaine figured at this point there was no question he had a spanking coming, and probably Kurt would come up with other things as well—ground him from going out or restrict him from his Netflix account for awhile, maybe? He tended to be creative when he felt like Blaine had really screwed up. He’d taken away his SodaStream machine for two whole weeks once and Blaine had had to make up a story to Sam that it was broken. But it had gotten the message across, as always. Whatever the punishments were, Blaine knew they would be deserved and resolved not to argue about any of them, no matter what. Odds are I’ll probably be reading Rachel’s script sitting on a backside that’s still sore tomorrow, and doing penance in some other ways for a bit too—but at least the worst of it will be over by then.


	4. Chapter 4

Rachel made a face at her phone when she saw what Blaine had texted back. She had complied with Kurt’s (ridiculous, in her opinion) rule about including him on the text about switching chores. She knew enough to expect Blaine would say they’d have to trade rather than just do it as a favor, or if he didn’t, that Kurt would be his bossy self and make him trade anyway. But she’d hoped he’d say he wanted to trade for next week or something, and she hadn’t realized he had vacuuming duty. While Rachel was never very excited about any chores, she used to not see vacuuming as that big of a deal but had grown more irritated with it recently. The rugs they had weren’t particularly sturdy and the vacuum was some third hand thrift store find Kurt picked up their first month in the loft. As time went on it had become less and less good at suction, lengthening the required vacuuming time, not to mention the fringe usually got caught on a rug once or twice every time, which Rachel saw as a huge hassle. Rachel had bargained hard for an upgrade but Kurt had cited their budget and asked what in it she wanted to give up this month in exchange, quickly ending the discussion. Kurt also always wanted the vacuuming done by 8 or so now because he’d found out the neighbor directly below them was the landlord’s brother and had a preschooler. He didn’t want to get a phone call that they were making a bunch of noise when they were trying to put the kid to sleep. All of which Rachel argued was stupid because any kid growing up in New York City was likely to be plenty used to sleeping through all kinds of crazy noise-- but Kurt refused to listen to reason about it. More importantly, Rachel didn’t like chores that had to be done by a certain hour of the day because she liked having the option to put them off until as late as she felt like it without getting scolded about it. In short, finding out she had to vacuum suddenly made washing breakfast dishes not seem so bad. If I get this pilot and move to L.A. I’ll probably make twice as much money as I do now and I can just hire a maid and not have to do any of this nonsense anymore.  
Rachel texted Blaine back to say that that was okay, if only because she figured if she made up an excuse why she couldn’t that Kurt would butt in and say she was being manipulative. She sighed. Rachel was grateful for the structure Kurt had brought to her life in the past year, and told him so to a point—but there were still a lot of pieces to it that were kind of a drag sometimes. She was glad to have Blaine to vent to about it and liked to tease him that he was kind of like her little brother in this. He was sweet about cheering her on with her struggles and, while highly embarrassing, there was no solidarity quite like getting in trouble together. She definitely felt closer to Blaine now than she ever had before, even if his tendency towards being a goody-two-shoes didn’t exactly make him the best wingman in her run-ins with Kurt.  
The chore situation sorted out, she could now focus entirely on the big excitement for tomorrow. She was about to walk into the first of two shows today, but truth be told her mind was going to wander to the magic Mary Halloran likely had cooked up for her future right now whenever a free moment arose. She’s an actual genius, it’s amazing my friends haven’t all died of jealousy. When the Emmy Awards come along I’ll have to name them all and tell a quaint story about our first reading in the loft. My life is so far beyond amazing sometimes I can’t even take it.


	5. Chapter 5

Blaine hadn’t been sure what he should expect, but no one was home when he got back to the loft that afternoon. He knew Rachel had two shows today, but he’d geared up for seeing Kurt again, only to find him MIA. He wanted to text him and find out where he was, but he figured if Kurt had made sure not to be home he probably didn’t want to talk to him yet. Blaine took in a deep breath, trying to calm his thinking. We’ll get past this. It sucks, but the ball’s in Kurt’s court right now. Just have to wait until he pronounces sentence.  
Assuming the best he could do was to be on his best behavior, he did the dusting per the chore chart on the refrigerator and then settled on the couch to do his theatre history homework. There was a test coming up, so he set about making flash cards with all the dates and playwrights he needed to know. Having spent a good part of the day so far consumed with self-hatred and guilt, it was actually kind of a relief to have something rote to focus on.   
Kurt showed up about an hour later. Blaine looked up expectantly from his work when the door slid open, but Kurt, groceries in hand, made a beeline for the kitchen without even acknowledging him. Blaine chewed his lip, expecting he should probably let Kurt talk first. Kurt set about putting some of the groceries away and then began digging through drawers as if looking for something.   
Blaine couldn’t take the silence.  
“D-do you need help?” he asked timidly.  
“No,” Kurt replied quickly.  
“…You making something?”  
“It’s my turn for Monday night dinner dessert. Going to make it now and freeze it.”  
“Oh… I can help.”  
Kurt shook his head and dismissed, “I’m fine.”  
Blaine fidgeted, almost wishing Kurt would get on with yelling at him. He sighed. “I just wanted to say, Kurt, I really am—“ he started.  
Kurt interrupted, “I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”   
Blaine pursed his lips. Kurt continued cooking. After about ten minutes, Blaine thought he was going to burst.  
“Do you… not want me to stay?”  
Kurt rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to tell you to leave. We’re all meeting up in the morning to read Rachel’s script.”  
“Kurt. What am I supposed to think?”  
“That I’m angry with you? Just… deal with it okay. I don’t know what else to tell you.”  
“I can sleep on the couch.”  
Kurt sighed. “I-- sleep where you want, okay? I don’t know. You gotta do what you got to do. But if we’re getting married, we’re probably going to have to figure out how to be around each other when we piss each other off.”  
“If?”  
“It’s an expression, Blaine. God.”  
“I’m not being dramatic, you’re really upset.”  
“I think I’ve got a right to be!” Kurt spat, his voice rising.  
“Yeah… you do,” Blaine said quietly.  
“When I figure out how to get past this I’ll--- I’ll let you know. I’m hurt and I just—if we talk about it more today it’s just going to be a big fight and that’s not going to fix anything. So, I’d appreciate it if you could just give me some space right now. You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t feel particularly cuddly toward you when I just found out I can’t trust a word you say.”  
“But you can, I’m sorry-- I screwed up.”  
“You did.”  
“I shouldn’t have—“  
“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”  
Kurt went back to cooking. Blaine tried to comply by doing his homework, although it was hard to focus. After awhile, Kurt cleaned up in the kitchen and headed to the bedroom. Blaine heard him taking out his laptop and turning on Netflix. Usually that would be something they’d do together on a weekend in the loft alone. Blaine felt miserable. I guess I should count myself lucky he’s not talking about breaking up or anything. He hated that he’d hurt Kurt and didn’t know how to fix it. He was starting to wonder if maybe it’d have been better if he’d never met June Dolloway.


	6. Chapter 6

Eventually Blaine turned on the TV too, watching reruns just to have some sound other than Kurt watching Netflix without him. When it got to the dinner hour, he remembered. He reached into his school bag and pulled out the rectangular package. He tentatively walked over to the bedroom.  
“Um, we still don’t have to talk but um, I forgot that I got those candies you like, as kind of an apology. So, here.” He went over to Kurt’s workstation and placed them on the desk.  
Kurt looked at him with something resembling sympathy for a moment and then looked back at his laptop. “Okay,” he muttered.  
“It’s getting late, I’m going to go grab a sandwich from the place around the corner before it gets dark. Do you want me to get you anything?” Blaine ventured.  
“I’ve got stuff in the fridge,” Kurt dismissed.  
Blaine slumped and stepped out, taking the hint. It would almost feel better if he’d thrown me out today. Blaine grabbed his wallet and headed downstairs. He wished Rachel was here. She might be able to mediate, or at least provide some company while Kurt ignored him. He texted her.  
Thinking of you. Wish you didn’t have two shows today.  
She texted back while he was in line at the deli.  
Aw! Just finished show #1. It’s kind of a marathon. But I know, now that we don’t run into each other at NYADA it seems like we hardly see each other enough! Can’t wait to see what you think of the script tomorrow, I’m making myself not read it until then. I’m so excited!  
Blaine smiled. At least someone gets to be in a good mood today. He thought about asking for advice about what happened with the showcase and how to make amends with Kurt. She would be sympathetic that he likely had a serious punishment coming at least. But he didn’t want to bring her down with his problems while she was so happy. He texted her back.  
We are too. We’re so proud of you. You know we’ll be DVRing every episode when it becomes a hit!  
Blaine moped his way back to the loft and got her reply as he got to the front door.  
And of course, assuming they don’t make me fly out to L.A. right away, you need to tell me as soon as June settles on a date for you and Kurt’s showcase! Try to steer her towards a Monday night! We can all do Monday night dinner on the town and go cheer you both on!  
Blaine sighed. He hadn’t thought about how Kurt had blathered on about how June Dolloway was so important and what a great opportunity the showcase was going to be at the last Monday night dinner. Now not only would Kurt know he lied, but everybody else, too. He imagined his friends’ shocked faces, and how they would all think he had been such a jerk to Kurt for stringing him along about it. They’d be right, too.   
When Blaine got back to the loft, Kurt was eating at the kitchen table. Blaine timidly sat down at the other end of the table, opening up his food and eating in silence. Maybe he just needs 24 hours to cool off. I guess I should be glad that sort of lets me off the hook tonight. He’ll probably wait until after the read through is done in the morning. He wouldn’t punish me with everybody around and he’ll want the focus to be on Rachel until after then anyway.   
“Rachel’s texted me like 4 times since noon about her script and wanting to make sure we didn’t forget about it,” Kurt groused, suddenly breaking the silence.  
Startled, Blaine hesitated for a moment. “…Yeah. She’s excited. She was texting me about it just a bit ago too.”  
“I hope for her sake Mary Halloran really is the genius writer she was billed to be. Honestly I think she’s a total crackpot.”  
Blaine grinned. “Yeah, she’s really weird. But I don’t know, maybe some artists are just eccentric like that. There’s a couple seniors at NYADA that seemed really out there when I met them the first week but I saw them perform and they’re amazing. And June says she knows some actors who--” Blaine stopped, biting his tongue.   
There was a pause.   
Kurt stared at Blaine. “Who what?” he asked, neutral.  
Blaine’s face colored, and he tried to finish his sentence. “…um, you know, seem sort of bizarre but actually are really good performers.”  
“Hmph.” Kurt turned his attention back to his food.  
It was quiet for a moment. Blaine grimaced. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought up—“ he started, but Kurt put his hand up without looking at him, and he shut up.   
Kurt finished up his food and quietly washed his dishes. “I’m going to take a shower tonight so I don’t have to deal with it tomorrow. Rachel will probably be running around crazy before everyone gets here and someone will have to run interference.”  
Blaine nodded. “You… uh, want to watch a movie or something on TV after?” he ventured.  
Kurt shook his head. “Studying for theatre history,” he said.  
“Oh, well, I have notes if—“  
“I’ll be fine.” Kurt dismissed, heading for the bathroom.


	7. Chapter 7

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the hot water trickle against his skin. It was just easier not being in the same room with Blaine right now. He knew he was being kind of a jerk to him, and that Blaine didn’t respond very well to getting to the silent treatment, but he didn’t know what else to do. Maybe I should have told Blaine to just go home. It would have hurt Blaine’s feelings in the moment, but he knew Blaine was all about wanting to talk every little thing out and not talking was probably just making his guilt worse. It was just that Kurt literally couldn’t think of anything nice to say today and he felt like it was better to not say anything at all until he could at least be decent. But he had meant it when he told Blaine he thought they had to figure out how to be mad at each other in the same home if they were going to be getting married. He wondered how actual married people dealt with this stuff. He couldn’t remember his parents arguing much when his mom was alive, although he had to believe it must have happened at some point. Maybe they were just really good at waiting to fight until after I went to bed. Come to think of it, his dad didn’t even argue with Carole that much. Mostly they just both yelled at Finn about chores and homework and occasionally at the both of them over the use of the car, but rarely did they really argue with each other in front of him. Kurt sighed. Maybe they’re just a lot better at this than Blaine and me. Sometimes I think this whole engagement before we’re even out of college thing is crazy. He and Blaine had had arguments in high school but now that they were engaged and living independently things just had a lot more stakes. Honestly, part of it was that Blaine was so happy in high school and now he was moodier, dealing with more stuff—just… a lot more work. Why does life have to be so much more complicated now? They had stopped co-habitating to avoid the constant strains of room-mating, but he didn’t like the idea of using the loft against him at a time like this. Plus the optics of throwing his fiancé on the street would probably make him look like the bad guy to Rachel and their other friends. And Kurt really didn’t want to be in a position to justify himself when this whole mess already had made him feel pretty lousy and unwanted. This sucks. He wished he hadn’t built up the showcase in his mind all this time.   
Maybe I should just go out there and tell him it’s time for his punishment. He’d feel better after, and maybe? I would too. Kurt thought about it for a bit. Certainly a spanking was in order, and it made sense that it be a spanking with the spoon at least in part. These days it seemed like Rachel needed a visit from an implement at least once every week or two, but he tried not to bring the spoon out with Blaine too often because he really got emotional about it and it seemed to be more effective when reserved for more egregious offenses. But Blaine had gotten spanked with a wooden spoon for a whole lot less before, so Kurt wasn’t going to feel any hesitation in using it for this. He should have to tell everybody about his lie, too. Then I don’t have to be the one fielding awkward questions from Rachel about what solos June Dolloway has in mind for me. Kurt knew Blaine’d take that seriously; admitting he’d messed up to other people was always hard for him. And probably make him give something up this week—Netflix or video games with Sam or something. Kurt knew Blaine wouldn’t argue with anything this time—he clearly felt pretty bad about everything. He’s probably wishing I’d just punish him and get it over with, even if it meant his bottom is bruised up for a couple days. Kurt wondered how he’d feel about it, too. He didn’t want to go overboard, but he wondered if getting to light a fire across Blaine’s bottom would be cathartic in it’s own way. It felt wrong to consider if that would be pleasurable, but then, he wasn’t the one who created this mess, right? No one would blame him for finding some satisfaction in meting out justice under the circumstances.  
But Kurt grimaced as he was finishing washing his hair. He knew the history was Blaine was generally very remorseful and needy after he’d been punished, especially if it was a more severe punishment. So Kurt usually didn’t hold very tightly to a stern persona once it was all done. Punishment tended to clear the air, and he usually after he could put aside whatever initial disappointment he had had in Blaine’s actions and focus on soothing him, assuring him of his forgiveness. But what if I punish him and I still don’t feel like forgiving him? He tried to imagine what that would be like. He knew it wouldn’t be fair or kind to punish Blaine and then ignore him. They’d have to talk, and arguing about everything that had happened wouldn’t make a lot of sense at that point. He couldn’t see getting to that point without having gotten past the arguing stage. But most importantly, taking care of Blaine after he’d been punished just wasn’t a go-through-the-motions thing. He knew if Blaine was in a vulnerable state like that and he still was being distant—well he’d likely feel more hurt than ever, and much as he was fine with Blaine suffering to a point right now, he knew that would be cruel. What’s the point of punishing him anyway? It’s not like he’s going to learn a lesson. He knew it was wrong and did it anyway, and what’s done is done. It’s not like with Rachel where when I used to warm her bottom for arguing with Cassie July in class and she thought better of it the next time. There isn’t going to be a next time. He’s not going to be lauded by another famous socialite who hates me next week and get to decide not to lie to me about it all. Maybe there’s some things I just shouldn’t bother punishing him for. Maybe living with the consequences of his actions as they stand is plenty, and going through the whole ritual of discipline over it is more than I feel like dealing with. If he gets the option of a safeword where he can say he doesn’t want to do this sometimes, I should too, right? Maybe it’s about time I thought about my needs and let Blaine deal with his guilty conscience on his own.


	8. Chapter 8

When Kurt came out of the shower he was surprised that Blaine wasn’t on the couch. He crossed to the bedroom, where he found him buttoning up a pajama shirt.   
“Figured I’d get dressed for bed,” Blaine said quietly, looking away.  
Kurt nodded. “I’m… sorry this is hard,” he offered. “I’m sorry… I’m hard sometimes. To deal with, I mean.”  
Blaine looked up, surprised at that grace. “…well, it’s my fault.”  
Kurt pursed his lips, squelching the impulse to agree and rub it in.   
Blaine fidgeted. “Um… I know you don’t want to talk about it—“  
“I really don’t,” Kurt interrupted, not sharp, but tired.  
“And I’m not, I just… wanted to bring up that I kind of figured… you’d probably have some… um…” Blaine’s face flushed, “…consequences in mind tonight? And if not tonight, I just was…wondering when…?” his voice trailed off.  
Kurt blinked. “You want to know if you’re getting punished,” he said flatly.  
“N-no, I-- I assume that—I know I deserve to be,” Blaine stuttered. He took a breath. “I um… just meant—should I expect that tonight?” he asked warily.  
Kurt sighed. “I hadn’t thought about it,” he fibbed, going to his drawer to take out his pajamas.   
There was a pause. “Well, I was thinking,” Blaine offered nervously. “That it might—make you feel better.”  
“I don’t punish you to feel better,” Kurt dismissed.  
“You could, though—“ Blaine started.  
“I’d feel better if you’d have been honest with me,” Kurt muttered, putting on his clothes with his back to his fiancé.  
There was silence for a moment. “Yeah,” Blaine conceded. “And um, I know I don’t usually… put my two cents in on this stuff like Rachel sometimes, but… I’ve thought about it and… It really should be, um, with---“ Blaine hesitated and then blurted, “You should use the spoon.”  
Kurt froze a moment and then turned slowly around, surprised. For a moment he had a flash of memory: the first time Blaine had suggested he put him over his knee, blurting it out all at once like that. They had argued about Blaine’s continued involvement with the Dalton Fight Club despite his objections. It felt like a long time ago and yet not somehow at the same time. Prior to that Kurt had “disciplined” Blaine a bit in his own way, with a simple talking to or a little essay or something, but he’d never laid a hand on him and he never would have if it hadn’t been Blaine’s suggestion. He remembered how time had seemed to slow down as he tried to even process the suggestion. It had sounded crazy at first, overwhelming—maybe even wrong?   
Little did Kurt know then how much a part of his lifestyle would be wrapped up in the physical discipline of not only Blaine but Rachel too. How many times had it happened now, he had long since lost count. Compared to Rachel, Blaine was usually the more likely to confess on his own to his indiscretions, accepting rather than arguing about punishment—but when there was any question about the severity of consequences he had coming, Kurt knew he always hoped he’d avoid a paddling with the wooden spoon.   
“You’re – asking me to--?” he marveled.  
“It’s the right thing,” Blaine said simply.   
Kurt straightened. “You don’t decide your discipline,” he tried.  
“No. But I can make suggestions. And I know I deserve it.”  
Kurt closed his eyes. “I can’t.””  
Blaine’s face screwed in confusion. “You—can’t?”  
Kurt shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not sure I should punish you over this at all.”  
“…Wh-- what do you mean? You—you’ve always—“  
“Oh come on, there’s got to have been plenty of times I’ve let you get away with things before,”  
“Not plenty.”  
“Well, some.” Kurt was sure there were some, he just couldn’t think of any off the top of his head right now and it sort of irritated him not to be able to support his argument for some reason.  
“And not for something like this. You wouldn’t be this upset if it wasn’t a big deal to you!”  
“Well you’ve done even bigger things before that I didn’t punish you for,” Kurt said dismissively, sitting on the edge of the bed.  
“Like what?”  
“Like when you cheated on me, for instance?!” Kurt bellowed, irritated.  
Blaine’s stomach dropped. He blinked at a wetness in his eyes.  
Damn it. Kurt knew it was a low blow, and having said it now wished he could take it back. “I—I’m sorry,” he tried. “That wasn’t—“  
“You’re still mad about that?” Blaine breathed. “After the engagement, and all this time—“  
“I’m not—I mean, I’m passed it.”  
“If you were passed it you wouldn’t have said—“  
“I don’t know, I just… I’ve got trust issues. I told you this makes me feel like I might not be able to trust you sometimes… it’s just bringing up old shit. And right now, I’m just tired and hurt and I don’t know, I don’t mean to be passive aggressive and I don’t mean to be just giving you the silent treatment, I’m just not up to figuring out everything tonight. I know we have to, and we will. I promise. Just please, not tonight. I can’t. I don’t know what else to tell you.”  
Blaine spoke quietly. “You’re right though. You never-- I never got punished for that.”  
“We were broken up.”  
“That wasn’t a punishment. It’s not the same.”  
Kurt shrugged and rubbed at his temple. This was giving him a headache.  
“…M-maybe you should have,” Blaine offered. “Or maybe after we got back together, I don’t know--”  
Kurt put a hand up, practically begging Blaine to stop in his quiet way. He tried to keep his voice even. “Blaine. There’s a limit to this… thing we do here. Maybe I’ll sleep on it and think differently. All I know is I just can’t punish you like that right now, not even with just my hand.”  
“Because you think you’ll hurt me? Go too far? You wouldn’t--”  
“I don’t know—maybe? I mean I’m not usually this mad about things. But if I’m honest it’s mostly that part of me just doesn’t want you to have the satisfaction of feeling closure on this right now, and that just wouldn’t… be fair.”  
“The satisfaction?”   
“I don’t know if I should punish you at all, but I know I can’t if I’m not even ready to forgive you. This—just doesn’t work like that. I have to be in a certain headspace and I’m just not.”  
“Oh.” Blaine had been prepared for Kurt to not be able to forgive him right away. But the idea that he wouldn’t even get a spanking was pretty shocking to Blaine. He didn’t know how he felt about it. Rachel would tell me I’m an idiot and should be relieved, I suppose.  
Kurt rubbed his temple again. “I’ve got a headache. I’m going to take a couple iBuprofen and hit the sack. Get my studying done tomorrow. I really am trying to be… a person with you about this—not just be a jerk, even if my instincts are kinda leaning that way at the moment.”  
“You’re not.”  
“Well. Thanks, I guess. I’m just… done tonight.”  
Blaine nodded. “I understand,” he said softly.  
Relieved, Kurt brushed past Blaine to get the medicine, leaving Blaine with a lot to think about.


	9. Chapter 9

Kurt awoke to the sound of Rachel chattering to Blaine in the kitchen.   
“I’m sure if it all goes as planned I’ll be busy for awhile, but I’ll probably be making lots more money and just be able to fly you and Kurt out to L.A. You’ll probably get a special guest pass on the lot and I’ll be able to introduce you to all sorts of famous celebrities,” she was saying.  
Looking over to the rumpled covers on the side of his bed he saw that Blaine had crawled into bed next to him last night. He was glad, though he wouldn’t say so. If Blaine had slept on the couch there’d be no way to hide it from Rachel. It made him feel less like a jerk, and meant it was less likely Rachel would have a lot of prying questions after seeing him there. I have the right to be mad at him. I have the right to be mad at him. He repeated this mantra in his head. He didn’t know why the idea of justifying himself to Rachel over this bothered him. Usually when he and Blaine fought he secretly looked forward to Rachel getting the gossip on the hopes that she might take his side. Maybe it’s because this time it’s about the socialite I adored thinking I’m a no-talent hack and Blaine found a way to sink the knife into that wound just a little deeper… He sighed and got out of bed.   
Blaine was at the counter, making what appeared to be quite the breakfast from the number of pots and pans all over the counter. He was patiently listening to Rachel prattle on about Mary Halloran’s genius when he saw Kurt.  
“Oh Kurt you’re up. I have breakfast in bed for you. Well it was for you, and still is-- but then Rachel thought it’d be good to have food on hand for everybody for the reading, too so… ” Blaine said, smiling expectantly in Kurt’s direction.  
I’m still mad at you, mister. “Not hungry,” Kurt grunted, heading to the bathroom.  
“I can’t wait for everybody to get here—can you believe someone who’s won a MacArthur Genius Grant has written a whole pilot all about ME!” Rachel enthused, chewing on the last of her breakfast and completely oblivious to Kurt’s grumpiness and Blaine’s falling face. “Oh my God, look at the time!” she shrieked suddenly. “I’ve got to run down the street to get the copies made before everyone gets here. Don’t forget the breakfast dishes okay? You’re the best!” she added, kissing Blaine on the cheek and rushed off to get her things.  
Blaine looked around at the food he’d prepared. He’d hoped that Kurt would have melted a little at the promise of breakfast in bed. It had softened him when they’d been fighting in the past. Guess it was naïve to think this would be that easy. He pulled a serving tray out of the cabinet, and then realized that not only had Rachel talked him into cooking twice as much food, he was pretty sure he now was going to have twice as many dishes to wash after this was all done now.   
Rachel was grabbing her purse when he decided to ask.  
“Hey Rach? Um. Can I ask a favor?”  
“Hmm? I’m on my way out, I really don’t have time to—“  
“No it’ll just take a minute. I uh, just, if Kurt mentions anything later... uh, I’m kind of in hot water with him, so… put in a good word for me if you can?”  
Rachel gave Blaine a look. “Did you blow your classical monologue in class yesterday? I told you that now that I’m not at NYADA I bet he was going to get even stricter about homework with you. He’s got this misplaced idea about getting an education being the end all be all and--”  
“No it’s nothing like that. It’s about the showcase.”  
“You have a fight about what solos he gets or something?”  
Blaine sighed. “He’s not getting any solos in the showcase. I um, kinda lied about June wanting him in it at all.”  
“Holy sh—“  
“Shhhh.”  
“Why would you—!”  
“I don’t know. It just happened. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and--”  
“He hasn’t punished you yet?”  
“He said he’s too mad right now.”  
“Jeez. He’s going to tan your hide like—“  
Blaine flushed. “Yeah. I know. Try not to gloat too much that it’s not you this time.”  
“He hasn’t shut up about that showcase for the past two weeks. He made a big thing at Monday night dinner about how many comp tickets you all needed—“  
“I know. I remember.” Blaine was getting a little irritated.  
Rachel shook her head. “This is the worst thing you’ve done in awhile,” she commented.   
Blaine looked away. “He’ll forgive me eventually, right?”  
Rachel shrugged noncommittally. “I can’t believe you lied about the whole thing. He went on and on brainstorming about song selection the other night…”  
“Yeah. I know. The point was… he’s really upset. And kind of has a right to be. He’s not talking to me about it right now, and maybe I’ll have my backside in a sling this afternoon, but if he talks to you about it just… pretend you don’t know but put in a good word if you can? I’m just thinking, I can use all the help I can get here. Maybe he’d go a little easier on me if you told him you understood I was just trying to protect his feelings?”  
“Sure. If he asks I’ll try, but honestly… you know how he is about lying.”  
“Yeah,” Blaine conceded grimly.  
“That sucks. Hope it works out.” Rachel said, not sounding at all like she thought it would.   
Blaine looked at his hands, wishing he could go back in time and fix it all.   
“Anyway, I’ve got to go. You know you should probably clean up the counter and everything really well if he’s mad at you—don’t want to make it worse. Everybody’s going to be here in a half hour!” Rachel said brightly as she fluttered out the door.   
Blaine rolled his eyes. He should have known better that Rachel wouldn’t be so great in the sympathy department on her big morning, he supposed. He turned, taking in the mess of food and kitchenware all around the counter. He stepped over to the sink to start cleaning up, when the bathroom door opened.  
“She’s right, you know.” Kurt gruffed.  
“Hmm?” Blaine looked over at Kurt as he wet a washcloth.  
“About cleaning up the counter. If you leave a mess I’m definitely going to be even more irritated with you than I already am.”  
Blaine turned off the faucet, swallowing. He didn’t look at Kurt, but he could feel his eyes burrowing in the back of his head. “Y-you were listening.”  
“The walls here are paper-thin, you know that,” Kurt replied.  
Blaine turned nervously. “I—I wasn’t, um…”  
“Telling Rachel all about my latest embarrassment?” Kurt spat. “Trying to get her on your side and convince me to dial down your discipline?”  
“Kurt. No. I mean, maybe a little, but I was just—I thought maybe if she talked to you—“ Blaine sputtered. “I know you’re having a hard time forgiving me on this one, is all--”  
“Yeah. Can’t imagine why that would be.” Kurt shook his head and stormed back to the bedroom.   
“I—I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have—“ Blaine started, but stopped as Kurt pulled the privacy partition to a close. Ugh.


	10. Chapter 10

Kurt was determined not to let his crabby mood ruin Rachel’s big read through, much as he feared the script itself might turn out to be a train wreck. I can be positive. For Rachel. Everyone was coming over anyway, he figured. The last thing he wanted was to have a big fight with Blaine in front of all their friends. Rachel was one thing, even Mercedes, but he did not feel like having to defend himself to Brittany.   
So, once he was dressed he decided to make nice, putting out all of the food on the counter and the table. He shook his head, remembering that Blaine had said Rachel had suggested he cook extra for the guests. Conveniently on the day he’d agreed to do the breakfast dishes for her. He always falls for her tricks. If everyone weren’t coming over and he wasn’t mad at Blaine anyway, he might bring it up or offer to help at least. Not today. He can let her talk her into doing all her chores next weekend too for all I care.   
Once everyone was gathered in the loft he sat down, mentally telling himself to hold his tongue once the reading started. He really did think that Mary Halloran was out of her mind, but she obviously was very successful. This was a big deal and he wanted to support Rachel as best he could. At least if there’s some parts that are just wacky Rachel can get some feedback from the reading and maybe some of our notes will have an impact?  
When it was time to start the readthrough Blaine came over to sit next to him on the couch, but Kurt shooed him away with a point to a chair in the corner. Forgive me if I don’t feel like cuddling right now. This is business. Blaine sulkily gave Kurt his space and luckily everyone else was so wrapped up in Rachel that no one seemed to notice.  
The script was even worse than Kurt had feared. It barely made any sense, but he let Artie take the lead in telling Rachel so. She seemed to take it okay. It was awkward knowing that this was a project she really wanted to be another big break, but they wouldn’t be good friends if they just told her what she probably wanted to hear. It was a tough position to be in; Kurt wasn’t sure what he’d do in her situation. He didn’t like that she was taking a lot of risks that could jeopardize her job at Funny Girl, but he also didn’t truly know what it’d be like to have a television producer come knocking. It was certainly a hard thing to say no to. But it would do Rachel no good to drop everything for a TV show if it was just going to make her look like a joke. He hoped she could do something, talk Mary Halloran into rewrites or somehow get another writer on the job?   
After the read through everybody went their separate ways. Artie had some big film school test to study for, Sam and Mercedes were taking Brittany out to a bunch of tourist places she’d never been before, and Rachel had a matinee to get to. That left Blaine and Kurt alone in the loft. Blaine dutifully began washing all the extra dishes now piled high on the counter. Kurt thought about saying something, but thought better of it. He dug into his bag by the door and got out his theatre history notes. Not going to do itself, I guess.  
After awhile the sound of running water stopped and it was quiet for a moment. Blaine cleared his throat.  
“So I guess you were right about Mary Halloran, huh?” he said lightly.  
“Guess so,” Kurt replied, not looking up from his work.  
“You studying for the theatre history test?”  
“Yeah.”  
There was a pause. “If you don’t need me or want to talk or anything…. um, I was thinking maybe I should head to the library this afternoon. Study there,” he said quietly.   
Kurt regarded him for a moment and then nodded. Usually they would study together for something like this, but maybe it was for the best in this case. “Yeah. Okay,” he agreed.  
“I thought maybe it’d be good to… give you some space.” Blaine offered.  
There was a pause. Kurt sighed. “I appreciate that. I do know we need to talk, but I honestly haven’t figured out what I want to say. And I have a ton of homework to deal with this afternoon—so uh, not exactly a great time for me to have a fight and get all upset, no offense.”  
Blaine nodded, looking at the floor. “I get it,” he mumbled, “Me too, honestly.”  
Kurt eyed his fiancé. “You, uh, have another big rehearsal or something with June tomorrow after school?”  
Blaine shook his head. “No, she’s going to some event tomorrow. I’m pretty much off after Acting for the Camera class. Was just going to head back to my place until it was time to go for Monday night dinner.”  
“Okay. We’ve both got a big test to study for and then all the other classes tomorrow to worry about. Let’s both get our work done today, and I’ll come over after classes and… we’ll talk then.”   
“Deal.” Blaine collected his things quietly and then hung by the door, hesitating for a moment. “W-ell I guess I’m going. Um… I love you.”  
Kurt looked up. He’d kiss him goodbye at least normally but it felt too soon. “I love you too,” he offered quietly.  
There was a pause and Blaine opened the door.  
“Oh Blaine—“ Kurt said.  
“Yeah?”  
“Don’t waste time on the slides. Professor Polin hardly ever draws test questions from them. Focus on the names and dates from your lecture notes and you’ll do okay.”  
Blaine nodded. “Oh—okay, I will.”  
Kurt sighed as he watched him awkwardly wave goodbye and close the door. He probably shouldn’t care about how he studied for the test, but old habits die hard. And he did love him to pieces. It was just… hard being in a relationship sometimes. It would be so much easier if he could just know he could trust him no matter what. And the lingering hurt over June Dolloway’s scathing assessment of his talent hadn’t helped. He replayed the moment in the dance lab when he met her after the performance. Ugh. I can’t keep obsessing over this.   
Blaine had agreed to talk about it tomorrow because he was afraid if he didn’t make an appointment to do it he might keep putting it off, and at some point he knew he couldn’t just hold him off forever; it just wasn’t fair. He’s already said how sorry he is, what even am I expecting is going to come of this? Should I just punish him and put it behind us? Kurt wasn’t used to not knowing what to do in these situations and to say it unnerved him was an understatement.


	11. Chapter 11

Rachel did her show, but every free moment she was thinking about the script. It’s just so cynical, or something. It doesn’t sound like me. She agreed with her friends that she couldn’t just let this go, but she wasn’t exactly sure how to deliver feedback to Mary Halloran without insulting her. She’s considered an actual genius, would she even listen to me?   
She texted Blaine on her way to the subway.  
Hey, thanks for the advice this morning. I know Sunday morning’s kind of your date time with Kurt. You two getting food tonight? I called entrée for Monday night dinner this week but was thinking if we pick something up tonight we could just use any leftovers tomorrow.  
A few moments later he replied.  
No actually, already back home. Kurt made the dessert already I think. Spent the afternoon at the library, giving Kurt some space.  
Oh right, they’re in a fight. Rachel had completely forgotten about that. She sighed. She had all day tomorrow to come up with food for Monday night dinner but it didn’t mean she was particularly excited to do it. Maybe there’s enough pasta in the cabinets somewhere I can just make spaghetti and call it a day.  
She remembered that Blaine had said Kurt was mad at him for lying. She was surprised he was already back at Mercedes place and didn’t even go to the library with Kurt. Usually Blaine made a point of spending every minute of his weekend time with Kurt, so he must still be in trouble. She was surprised she hadn’t heard them fighting last night or this morning or anything. It sounded like Kurt hadn’t even spanked him yet, which was pretty surprising in and of itself. Kurt must be really mad. Maybe he’s been putting off punishing Blaine to make him feel worse. That would really get to Blaine, she imagined. Blaine’s got to be a mess if he’s just giving him the silent treatment. If she were honest she’d admit that if she had done something that bad and wasn’t even getting punished for it yet she wouldn’t be all worked up about it because she’d see it as more time to try to talk him out of it. Sometimes it was hard to even believe they were really doing this and getting a spanking was a real possibility, no matter how many times it turned out to be. Unless she was caught in the act or it was right afterwards, she tried to put the whole thing out of her mind and forget what Kurt’s firm hand, or worse, the hairbrush, felt like as much as she could. She only got really nervous when getting punished was imminent. Not that Kurt’s ever put off “discipline” for me by a single second or anything. She rolled her eyes, thinking of it. She loved him, and she appreciated that their arrangement seemed to keep her on the straight and narrow with her diet and stuff or she wouldn’t have agreed to it. It also had definitely made her think twice about checking out reviews that tended to make her upset, which was for the best in keeping her in show mode 8 times a week. But she definitely took issue with Kurt’s inflexibility sometimes.   
When she got back to the loft she found him in the kitchen filling a glass of water at the sink.  
“Oh hey, is it that late? I didn’t think you’d be back from your show for a while yet.” he said.  
“Yeah I only signed a couple programs at stage door, I was wiped after two shows yesterday and getting up early to get everything ready this morning,” she responded. Then she got curious. “I heard Blaine went to the library, you two doing okay?”  
“We both have a big test tomorrow,” Kurt dismissed, going back to the kitchen table cluttered with all of his homework. “I studied for two hours this afternoon.”  
“…Isn’t that a class you share? Why didn’t you study together?”  
Kurt smirked. “I overheard Blaine talking to you this morning, Rachel. You don’t have to pretend you don’t know we’re in a fight.”  
“I’m not—pretending,” Rachel stuttered, covering. “I just… figured you’d have made up by now and you’d be making up behind the curtain with the white noise machine on by now,” she teased.  
Kurt grunted. “He wishes,” he muttered, shaking his head.  
“He really lied about the whole showcase?”  
“Just the part about me being in it,” Kurt replied, rueful.  
“Did he say why?”  
“I really don’t want to talk about it, Rachel.”  
“O-kay. I was just—surprised. I’m sure he was just protecting your feelings you know—“  
“Rachel. I’ve agreed to talk to him about it tomorrow but I really have no obligations to talk to you about this. Could you stop prying?”  
“Geez. Excuse me for being concerned about my friends.”  
Kurt rolled his eyes. “Your concerned about your friends’ gossip.”  
“You know June Dolloway’s an idiot right?” Rachel said, ignoring him. “You’re the most talented person I know!”  
Kurt shrugged as though he didn’t care, but he silently appreciated the sentiment. “She’s not the one I have an issue with at the moment,” he said. “At least she was honest with me. Besides, if I’m going to be in this business I have to get used to criticism sometime. I’m just not everyone’s cup of tea. It’s fine.” He opened his book in an attempt to appear to be studying, hoping she’d drop the subject.  
Rachel shook her head. He had obviously been pretty hurt by the whole thing with June Dolloway even if he was too proud to say so. Blaine’s so dead when he decides to deal with it. He should count his blessings he’s waiting until he calms down at least.  
“Blaine said you made dessert?” she said, deciding it best to change the subject.  
“In the freezer, but don’t touch it, it’s for tomorrow night,” Kurt said, not looking up from his book.   
“I won’t, geez.” Rachel munched on an apple from the fruit basket. “I’m thinking spaghetti for an entrée tomorrow.”  
“We’re out.”  
“We are? How’s that possible?”  
“You used up the last of it the other night.”  
Rachel sighed. “Maybe I’ll just order pizza for everybody again.”  
Kurt looked up. “That’s not going to be a good idea if you’re going to be sticking to your weekly budget this week.”  
Rachel groaned. “Kurt, it’s for Monday night dinner. It’s not like I’d be spending it on jewelry or something.”  
Kurt shook his head. “You went over limit the past two weeks, and I told you you wouldn’t like the consequences if it happened a third time. So it’s up to you, but if I were in your shoes I’d be planning on saving my money getting ingredients at the grocery store rather than risking overpriced takeout putting me over my budget.”  
Rachel whined. “I can’t believe you’d count Monday night dinner food in my budget.”  
“It’s an expense! The money has to come from somewhere. And if you’re doing spaghetti it’ll be probably 80% cheaper to buy and make it yourself than getting pizza delivered. Besides, you have the whole day off tomorrow, plenty of time to fix something.”  
Rachel scowled. “Fine. But I’m going out now for ingredients, I want to sleep in tomorrow and not have to be running errands.”  
Kurt rolled his eyes. He couldn’t imagine how late she was planning on sleeping in that she’d have no time to walk down the street to the grocery store, but whatever. And he’d made dessert all on his own in advance because his schedule was even more packed than hers these days, so he didn’t have a lot of sympathy for this “hardship.” She hadn’t had to take care of any food at all last week. It was her turn. He shrugged.  
Rachel sulkily grabbed her purse and headed out, muttering about how hard 8 shows a week is and how at the end of a long week of shows she just wanted to relax. Kurt ignored her whining. It just wasn’t worth his breath to argue with her.


	12. Chapter 12

By the time Rachel was checking out at the store she was (mostly) over being irritated. Food was food and she knew no one really cared what the entrée each week was at Monday dinner, plus the benefit of not having Kurt laying out unpleasant consequences over a stupid pizza made this a no-brainer. The budget stuff was becoming a bigger point of contention between them, which Rachel found crazy considering she was making more money than she ever had before. Why should I be counting my pennies if there’s enough money coming in?  
She did make a point of passive aggressively dropping comments about how her feet hurt once she made it back to the loft. Unfortunately, Kurt ignored them. Not getting any sympathy, she rather huffily put away the food and headed to her bedroom to change into pajamas.   
The rest of the evening passed quietly. Rachel ate a sandwich at the kitchen table while watching Bernadette Peters videos on Youtube. Kurt lounged on the couch, reading a magazine for quite a while, until he got up and poured himself a glass of iced tea from the fridge. Rachel didn’t notice as he started to drink it, hovering in front of the refrigerator.  
“Rachel?” he said quietly.  
“Hmmm?”  
“What time is it?”  
“After 9 already,” she muttered disinterestedly, eyes on her video.   
Kurt sighed. “You need to put that away,” he said.  
“What?”  
“The laptop. You need to put it away because we need to have a discussion.”  
“I’m watching this.”  
“Young lady,” Kurt warned.  
Rachel looked up at the “young lady” talk. “What’d I do? I didn’t spend the money, I thought this was over,” Rachel barked, rolling her eyes.  
“This isn’t about that. You didn’t meet expectations today,” Kurt said, waiting a beat before closing the distance between them and shutting Rachel’s laptop for her, to her great annoyance.  
“Hey!”  
“I asked you to put it away. It seemed you needed help following that direction,” Kurt replied simply.  
Rachel groaned in frustration. “What is it that is so important that we need to talk about it right now?”  
“As I said, you didn’t meet expectation so we need to—“  
“Expectation? For what?”  
“Chores.”  
There was silence for a moment. Then Rachel folded her arms.  
“The breakfast dishes are all done,” she muttered, looking away.  
Kurt grunted. “Nice try. I have the texts Rachel, I know you switched chores with Blaine, and even if I hadn’t, I was here to see him do them all this morning. You were supposed to do the vacuuming.”  
“W-well, you-- you told me to get groceries for Monday night dinner,” Rachel stammered.  
“What does that have to do with anything?” Kurt asked.  
“Well. I would have done it, but then I had to go do that and I forgot.”  
Kurt nodded. “How convenient,” he commented.  
Rachel glared at him. “Kur-urt,” she whined.  
Kurt looked at her pointedly. “It’s your responsibility to remember.”  
Rachel scowled.  
“So, first you find a way to blow off doing the dishes--” Kurt scolded.  
“I didn’t blow them off—“ Rachel protested.  
“Then, after Blaine lets himself get talked into it, you spontaneously find a reason for him to have to cook for everybody else and generate even more dishes to wash this morning--”  
“Kurt! I didn’t—“  
“So either you planned that or you’re just completely oblivious to the fact you gave Blaine twice as much work to do,”  
“He could have said no,” she countered.  
“And you could have offered to help with clean up. You said you only needed him to cover for you so you could make copies before everyone got there for the reading. No reason you couldn’t have pitched in after the reading was over.”   
Rachel sat back in the chair, pouting. “I had a show to get to,” she sulked.  
“Eh, you could have made time,” Kurt dismissed. “Now, I’m not sure how much of all that was premeditated--”   
“God you make it sound like I robbed a bank!” Rachel complained.  
“---and how much was just you being wrapped up in yourself, like always. But it was, at best, pretty inconsiderate. And there’s no way for me to really know if you really forgot to vacuum or if you’d planned this all along and just hoped I wouldn’t notice. But at minimum, it’s fair to expect that if Blaine had to do your chores and then some this morning that you should be held to account for the chores you agreed to do in exchange.”  
“It’s not like you can even tell,” Rachel tried, “It’d be different if there was a pile of popcorn on the rug or something. No one would even know the difference.”  
“Because we have an arrangement that makes sure it gets attended to regularly,” Kurt argued, losing patience for her nonsense.  
“I just forgot, okay?” Rachel said in her sweetest voice. “I’ll do it in the morning?”  
“Yes. You will,” Kurt replied, authoritatively taking her by the arm and lifting her to standing.  
Rachel stiffened. “I’m sorry, okay?”  
Kurt shook his head. “You’re sorry that you’re going to be disciplined for it,” he accused.  
“Give me a second chance!” she squeaked as he pulled her towards the couch while her free hand nervously snuck behind her to cover her backside.  
“If you can’t manage to remember your obligations on your own, it’s pretty clear you need some help. You don’t need a second chance, young lady, what you need is a good old-fashioned spanking.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Y-you don’t have to—“ Rachel faltered, feeling her hope of getting out of this fleeing.  
Kurt gave Rachel a look. “No, I don’t. I never have to. But then, we don’t need to have this arrangement, do we? You’re all for it until the time comes for consequences,” he said, shaking his head.  
“That’s not true!” Rachel defended. “S-sometimes I’ll…say I deserve it.”   
Kurt grunted. “Maybe twice in over a year? But you don’t think you do now? Be honest.”  
Rachel looked at the floor.  
Kurt nodded. “That’s what I thought. You and I both know you need a reminder.”  
Rachel fidgeted. “I said I was sorry,” she tried.  
“I’m glad. You need to be sorry to make sure you do better next time. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get disciplined, and you know it. Besides, letting this go wouldn’t be fair to Blaine,” Kurt scolded, pulling her unceremoniously over his knee as she whined pitifully.  
“I thought you and Blaine were in a fight,” Rachel sulked, glaring at the couch cushion.   
“What, so just because we’re having trouble you thought I’d let you get away with taking advantage of him?” Kurt asked, incredulous.  
“No,” Rachel pouted. “I don’t know. I just didn’t think you’d be… defending him is all. I thought you’d be more on my side. And it wasn’t--- taking advantage… exactly.”  
“I’m on the side of helping you to meet expectations. I take our arrangement seriously, Rachel,” Kurt admonished. “And you find yourself in this position a lot less often when you do too.”  
Rachel fingered the seam of the couch cushion, feeling smaller suddenly. “I—I know,” she said quietly.  
“You may not like it, but you know this keeps you honest,” Kurt said, gentler now. “You’ve got cheering fans meeting you at the stage door eight times a week and a Hollywood producer came out of the sky to offer you a development deal—you know these things go to your head too easily. We’re not going to let all that get in the way of your responsibilities here.”  
“…yes, sir.” Rachel meekly replied.   
Her meekness was short lived though as Kurt took that moment to pull her pajama pants down and bare her bottom.   
“Kur-URRRt!” she whimpered defiantly.  
Kurt suspected that Rachel never fully believed he was going to go through with it until she felt her panties come down. He figured anytime her dads had come close to punishing her she had nearly always found a way to talk them out of it. He noticed that even after all this time that they’d been doing this, it often seemed she could hardly believe how little that kind of manipulation worked with him. In theory he could discipline her over her clothes, but taking the time to bare her bottom seemed to engender a level of respect for her discipline that nothing else did.   
“Why are we here, young lady?” Kurt asked neutrally, adjusting her pert bottom over his knee as he spoke.  
Rachel scowled at that. As much as she put up a fuss, she really preferred for Kurt spank her and get it over with quickly rather than forcing her to talk about her transgressions, especially with her bare bottom vulnerable like this. It made the always made the situation that much more humbling.  
“Young lady,” Kurt threatened quietly.  
“Chores,” Rachel spat, annoyed but quickly losing her defiant spirit.  
Kurt nodded. “And how often do you have chores Rachel? Some days or every day?”  
Rachel rolled her eyes. “You know when I—“  
“Some days or every day?” Kurt repeated.  
“…Every day,” Rachel muttered sullenly.  
“I’m sorry?” Kurt pressed.  
“Every day,” Rachel admitted a little louder, resigned.  
“That’s right. And you know I’m not a big fan of you and Blaine switching chores any more than absolutely necessary, but if that’s what you’re going to do you’re going to be held to the commitments you make. He did your work for you this morning with the understanding you were going to do his. I don’t like when you take advantage of him and you know it.”  
“I wasn’t---“ Rachel protested, trying to push herself up from his lap.  
“You got him to do your work and you didn’t do a lick of his.” Kurt interrupted, holding her in place. “What else would you call it?”  
“I just… I forgot.”  
“It’s your responsibility to remember. If meeting your obligation was a priority you would have made sure you did it. I haven’t let you get away with ‘forgetting’ chores before and I’m not going to start now.”  
Rachel scowled but gave in, tired of arguing. “Yes, sir,” she mumbled.  
Kurt raised his hand and swatted down fast and firm, quickly spanking Rachel’s bottom pink as she squealed at the sting. She appeared to start crying pretty quickly after that, but he knew she was in the habit of crocodile tears and knew better than to let up before his point was made.   
“You knew what was expected, Rachel,” he scolded, moving his hand lower to ensure her sit spots got the attention they needed.   
“Okay-ayyyyy,” Rachel whined, one foot kicking as she lay helpless across his knee.   
“Does it hurt?” he asked, maintaining a steady rhythm.  
“Yessssssssss OWwww,” Rachel whimpered, hating that question and feeling sorry for herself.   
“Good, it’s meant to. You knew better, young lady.” Kurt punctuating the reprimand with a sharp swat.  
“OWW yessSIR okayyyyyy,” she whined in reply, her bottom squirming over his knee such that he had to hold her tighter.  
Kurt spanked her in earnest for another minute or so and then paused a moment. “You’re getting up early tomorrow and vacuuming before I leave for school. No nonsense about needing your beauty sleep or promises to get it done later. Understand?”  
Rachel sniffled and nodded, her bottom stinging and the fight having left her.  
“Verbal answers, young lady,” Kurt said sternly, uncompromising.   
“I’ll do the v-vac-vacuuming in the morning, I’m sorryyyy,” she sputtered, crying for real now.  
Satisfied, Kurt spanked her bottom twice more and then let her cry a bit over his lap. Her bottom certainly had a more reddish hue to it now, but it was nothing like the worst he could dish out even with just his hand. He knew she would complain about it for a bit after, but it’d fade long before morning. Hopefully she’d comply when they woke up later and there wouldn’t need to be a repeat of this. When they’d first started with this arrangement it seemed like she was going to need disciplining over chores several times a week. He’d actually been rather impressed that she’d improved in keeping up with chores recently. And while she clearly hadn’t wanted to be punished tonight she hadn’t fought it as much as she sometimes did. She knew she needed it. Maybe someday she won’t need “reminding” at all. Long as I can keep all that attention from fans and TV producers from inflating her ego too much anyway.


	14. Chapter 14

“Aggggghhhh,” Rachel whined, hobbling up to pull her pajamas back over her hot bottom, which she then promptly grabbed with both hands, rubbing and squirming with a scowl.   
Kurt crossed his leg, appraising her.  
“I trust you learned a lesson, young lady?” he asked.  
Rachel looked at the floor.  
“You could have… gone a little easier,” she mumbled.  
“I’m sorry?” he said, an eyebrow arched.   
“I just forgot, it’s not like—“  
Kurt cut her off with a raise of a hand. “You’ve been punished for forgetting chores practically from day one we’ve done this. You don’t like getting your bottom spanked all you have to do is meet the expectations you agreed to,” he said with a shrug.  
Rachel grimaced and rubbed her bottom, irritated that there was no one available to offer sympathy.  
Kurt looked her up and down, used to this. “Come on, it’s over,” he said gently. “You’ve gotten far more than that a dozen times before, enough with the drama.”  
Rachel huffed and sat on the other end of the couch. She then squirmed a bit and lay sideways, awkwardly squeezing her small frame into the space. There was quiet for a bit.   
“You really think I… was taking advantage of him? This morning I mean?” Rachel finally asked meekly.  
Kurt cocked his head, not expecting the question. He considered. “Well. When did you decide you wanted to have all the food with the reading? It was a nice idea, but it’s not like Artie and Brittany wouldn’t have just been planning to get food on the way.”  
Rachel bit her lip. “I guess when I was making all the plans and figuring out how many copies I would need to get made.”  
“You told Blaine you needed to get the copies made in the morning and that’s why you wanted to switch. It wouldn’t have been hard to get that done the day before.”  
Rachel sniffed, not having an argument for that.  
“I’m not saying you were going out of your way to make things harder on him or anything, but you also didn’t throw the we’re cooking all this stuff this morning part on him until after he’d agreed to do dishes. You know Blaine, he would have said yes anyway, but he didn’t really get the chance to know what he was agreeing to until the last minute.”  
Rachel nodded, looking forward.  
“But I probably wouldn’t have brought it up at all if you had actually done his chores tonight, because at some point if he really had a problem with it it’d be on him to say so. I just want you to… think a little more sometimes.”  
Rachel rubbed at her tear-stained face. “I was just kind of thinking about the pilot,” she admitted. “It’s exciting. And I wanted Artie to really like it, because he knows so much about film—and, I don’t know. I guess I was trying to make it special and not really, thinking about Blaine much at all.”  
Kurt nodded.  
Rachel whined a bit, stretching out on her side and putting her head in Kurt’s lap. Kurt smiled sweetly, patting her hair.   
“I know, it’s hard to consider if you could have done something differently,” he soothed.  
“I thought I was doing better,” she pouted.  
“Honey, you have been,” he reassured her. “Everyone slips up sometimes, and you’ve had a pretty intense month. You were bound to need a reminder sooner or later.”  
Rachel wrinkled her nose. “The reminder is still burning.”  
Kurt shook his head fondly. He knew it wasn’t that bad if she was being snarky. “I’m sure that’ll fade soon enough. It was red, but it’s been worse. And you know we can stop doing this anytime.”  
Rachel glanced up, then back away. “…I know that.”  
“Sometimes you feel like you don’t want to do this?” Kurt pressed.  
Rachel hesitated.  
“You can be honest, Rachel,” Kurt assured. “Although maybe it’s hard to be with a sore bottom right now. I’m never going to discipline you for safewording or saying you want to stop our arrangement, you know that, right?”  
“I do. And I don’t want to stop. I’m just not as good as Blaine and able to just… accept it right away sometimes. I just don’t enjoy getting punished much is all.”  
Kurt nodded. “I’m not sure anyone does. He struggles sometimes with it too. It’s intense to be corrected in this way, even when it’s not that harsh a punishment. It’s sort of amazing you and Blaine asked for this at all. I know it takes a lot of trust in me, so I hope I earn it most of the time at least.”  
Rachel pushed herself up and reached her arms around him, for once not commenting on the sting that movement reignited on her tender bottom. He kissed her forehead, accepting the hug. “We really appreciate you… doing this. Even if we don’t say so all the time. I don’t always like it exactly, but I… I trust you.”  
“Why?” Kurt asked, honestly curious.  
“Why do I trust you?”  
“Yeah. Honestly, sometimes I think about it and… I don’t think I could ever trust someone like this,” he confessed. “With my faults and insecurities, or with my backside.”  
Rachel looked at him. “I guess we…. just choose to. We love you, and we know you want everything that best for us. And after that, trust is a choice. You know even when I’m whining and complaining, I choose to trust you—or I’d definitely safeword if I couldn’t.”  
“Promise?”  
“Absolutely.”  
Kurt sighed. “I love you Rachel Berry.”  
Rachel smiled. “I love you too.”


	15. Chapter 15

Blaine laid in his bed that night, having dutifully put more information about the Enlightenment to memory than was truly reasonable today. He’d been grateful for the task, honestly. His mind had tried to wander back to June and how mad Kurt must be several times, but he reminded himself that at least Kurt would be pleased if he did well on the exam. The theatre history classes at NYADA were notoriously brutal, and aside from stage combat (where he still held the record for most injuries received), this class was the source of most of Blaine’s academic stress at the moment. After dinner he’d begged off a Facts of Life marathon with Sam and Mercedes, preferring to zone out on his phone for a bit and then hit the sack early. He reasoned that that was responsible, given that he had a big test in the morning, but really he just didn’t feel like doing anything remotely social when everything was looking pretty dour.  
Kurt and I will talk tomorrow. He said it to himself as a comfort, but it wasn’t much. He imagined Kurt’s disappointment all over again and couldn’t see a way to make it up to him. There was no excuse. Maybe I shouldn’t even do the Showcase. Tears sprang to his eyes at that thought and he sniffled, miserable. It was just sad to even being thinking like this. He remembered how flattered he was when June had first told him about the Showcase. It had felt like a balm against the hurt and isolation he felt in Combat class and elsewhere, surrounded by upperclassmen that didn’t seem to think he had particularly much to offer. It’s just going to make Kurt feel bad at this point. It won’t even be that much fun if I just feel guilty about everything. What’s most important to me? Kurt. It’s always been Kurt. He thought about texting June right then to say he couldn’t do it, but he sort of feared her wrath and decided he couldn’t take having two people mad at him right now. Would she be insulted? Think by turning her down he was saying he didn’t need her? She already started making the seating arrangements. He realized she probably had already started putting money into this to rent the space and maybe a caterer too. Should I try to find an understudy or something from NYADA? He stopped himself in his thought spiral, trying to will himself to take it one step at a time. After Kurt and I talk tomorrow, I’ll make the final decision. And if I have to quit… I’ll figure out what to say to her then.   
The next day he woke up to a sweet text from Rachel, wishing him luck on his exam. It made him smile, knowing she thought of him. The day was very much like a lot of days at NYADA: a lot of rushing around and trying to keep up. He was pretty sure he passed the theatre history test, but he wasn’t sure how well. He kept a distance from Kurt in the classes they shared for the most part, trying to honor the agreement that they’d talk after school and give him space until then.   
When he got home he had a bit of a shock. Sam and Mercedes were kissing on the couch. Or rather, they had been and Mercedes was pretty clearly swatting Sam off of her face at the sound of his coming in the door.  
“Uh… hey,” he said awkwardly.   
“H-hey Blaine,” Mercedes said, blushing.  
“Hiya,” Sam said, seeming to find this all sort of amusing.   
“Your classes out already?” Mercedes stuttered, “We didn’t realize how late it was.”  
You don’t have to apologize, even if it is a little weird. Sam and Mercedes were usually pretty discreet and were more than understanding when Kurt was over, but it had taken some time getting used to thinking of them as a couple. Blaine thought they were good for each other and Sam was his best friend, but he was a little skeptical that Mercedes would put up with him for the long haul sometimes. Were there even any girls from glee in high school he didn’t go out with? He swears he’s willing to wait until marriage now but… I guess we’ll see.   
“I uh… sorry, I was just—gonna get a snack and—Kurt’s supposed to be coming by, but -- I’ll be out of your hair in just a sec,” he blurted, seeing that his friends really would prefer to be alone at the moment.   
He rushed off to the kitchen, hearing Mercedes’ laugh behind him. He sighed, feeling a little jealous. It must be nice to be starting out in a new relationship, not worrying that you’re stupid mouth almost ruined yours. He knew Kurt would forgive him, eventually. Somehow. He still didn’t know what to do about the Showcase though. And he feared it’d be awhile before he could forgive himself. Kurt’s supposed to be the most important thing in my life. I can’t make mistakes like this.  
Depressed, he chewed half his sandwich as he hastily made his way back through the living room and out to the front door, closing it behind him. The city traffic was quieter than usual and there was a pigeon collecting at the bottom of the steps. He tore off a piece of bread from what was left of his sandwich and tossed it at it, watching a few more flock over at the sight of food. He slumped down to the steps, watching them, and feeling sorry for himself. Kurt will be here soon. I’ve already said sorry. There isn’t anything more I can say. But if he says he doesn’t want me to do the Showcase… I won’t. I don’t even feel like it anymore anyway. It’s just… not worth it.


	16. Chapter 16

Kurt was just down the street, trying to organize his thoughts when he saw that Blaine was on the stairs, looking pretty miserable. The pressures of NYADA had been a decent distraction today, but as soon as the last professor had set him free all he could think of was his fiancé. It was time to talk. He’d put it off long enough. But now, for the first time really, Kurt realized he felt more sorry that Blaine was hurting too, where before he’d mostly felt angry, or just too tired and spent to feel anything more. He knew that Blaine had been beating himself up. He took a deep breath, knowing he was now ready to have this conversation, difficult though it might be. Maybe I just dragged this out because I’m still jealous that June thinks he’s great. It’s not really his fault she sees something in him and not me. It’s just life in the arts, I guess? It probably made Blaine feel as awkward as it did me, maybe more. Suddenly it didn’t seem wholly unreasonable that Blaine was tempted to bend the truth a little.   
Kurt thought about what Rachel had said last night, about trust being her choice. Is it that simple? We’ve gotten through worse than this before I guess. It was a white lie. He shouldn’t have done it, but he knows that, and… I guess I get it, at least a little? At least enough.   
In truth, Kurt had been a little caught off guard how much this whole situation had brought back so many emotions from when he’d been cheated on. Apparently those feelings didn’t just completely disappear with time. But we’re engaged now. Of course Blaine is totally committed to me. Trust is important, but it’s not exactly reasonable to expect your partner to be perfect all the time… God knows I’m a hot mess sometimes and he puts up with it.  
He approached Blaine quietly, trying not to spook him. He figured his fiancé had been nervous about this conversation all day. He tried to make a joke about the pigeons collecting at the bottom of the stairs, but it was hard for either of them to really look each other in the eye. He listened as Blaine announced that he wasn’t interested in doing the showcase anymore, saying he was more important than anything.  
He really would walk through traffic for me. What have I been doing?  
Kurt took a breath and tried to share what was in his heart, telling his fiancé that he’d realized that trust was a choice. Blaine stared at him a moment and it was if he could physically see the weight lifting off his shoulders. Kurt smiled to himself as he felt Blaine’s head lean against his. We’re going to be okay.


End file.
